Where'd You Go, 2019?

pc: @katieiredalee

To say I've been neglectful of this blog over the past year would be a massive understatement.

Somehow I got down to single digit posts in 2019... only 7 posts all year! And there was so much I wanted to write about! I didn't get to post as much as I wanted about our wedding, my yoga teacher training, about another summer spent with Groundswell or, especially, about being pregnant...

The year just flew by and so far 2020 isn't much different. Take this post for example... usually I get my annual recaps up in the first week of the month. Yet here we are, more than halfway into January. I'll blame it on pregnancy brain while I still can. ;)

This year I want to get back to writing and connecting here more, especially as I start new chapters in my life, becoming both a mother and an entrepreneur this year. I have a (great) feeling this will be a wild start to this next decade and I can't wait for all of it.

But before I kick off all of the exciting adventures ahead, I do want to make sure I jot down a proper recap and farewell to 2019. So here goes...

Plastic Swear Jar Challenge

I started my touch-and-go attempts at a plastic-free lifestyle a couple of years ago when I spent the summer in the ocean with a women's surf therapy group started by a woman-founded nonprofit, Groundswell Community Project. 

In the years since my summer getting stoked and woke, the push for plastic alternatives, bans on different types of single-use plastic and public awareness of the harm that single-use plastic is wreaking on our oceans has become (blissfully) omnipresent in businesses, advertising, community initiatives, Hollywood, influencer communities, government, and the surf and yoga communities. It's created incredible momentum...

...but we still have a long way to go.

Which is why I wanted you to join me and share this cool Earth Day challenge that Changing Tides Foundation (another incredible women-founded nonprofit) has created: The Plastic Swear Jar Challenge.

You Eat Clean, San Diego

I don't remember when it started happening precisely and unlike most major changes in my life, this one can't really be traced back to a decision or a moment. But at some point last year I slowly but surely started taking meat out of my diet.

I still ate meat during the holidays and on special occasions, but for the most part, it just hasn't even appealed to me. And in the absence of cooking meals around meat, I started to default hardcore to carbs... pizza and pasta more often than not.

While I wouldn't call myself a vegetarian just yet, I am definitely trending that way. And now that I've noticed this development, I realized I needed to start figuring out how to craft an actual plant-based diet instead of nervously retreating to pizza when I'm not sure what to make.

So I was really glad when Eat Clean Meal Prep reached out offering me a trial of their meal prep service. I've always been interested in meal prep services, but wasn't sure if I would like the food or if would make the most sense financially. Most importantly I was concerned about the abundance of plastic packaging as I'm trying to go plastic-free. But the trial seemed like the best way to give it a shot and break out of my carb-loading rut.

I requested a plant-based meal plan and came home from a girl's weekend away to a ton of delicious food and cold-pressed juices. Here's what I ended up with and what I thought...

Good Intentions

Rumor has it that it's already February, huh?

Something tells me that's the way things are going to go in 2018. Between wedding planning and work and this weird rate of warp speed that life seems to be moving at in my thirties, I can already tell this year is going to be a blur. I know that some years are just meant to be that way. But after two years that I'd actually rather forget, I want to remember this one.

To do that? I have to get a little more intentional than I was last year.

Last year, in 2017, in my personal life my goal was to not have goals. Just flow or be still. I needed to force myself to not do anything. To be aimless for a while.

But I am not an aimless person by nature. I am a stress and achievement addict, a productivity junkie. Granted, it's a habit that I am actively and aggressively trying to break, but I know that there's a happy medium. Something between relaxed and productive, between flowing and planning, between apathy and anxiety.

I woke up this morning with a new determination to work on finding that balance this year.

A few weeks ago, we did a vision boarding exercise at work. Mine came out more or less how every vision or mood or inspiration board has come out for me since I was a kid. There are constants: fitness, the ocean, surfing, bright colors, fun, art, food and the outdoors. All of which I want more of in 2018.

So, even though it's one month into the new year already (shhhh), I'd like to set some intentions for this year:

• Protect the Ocean: Towards the end of 2017, I started to find a renewed sense of purpose, a mission around ocean conservation. It started with a surfing program and continued through beach doing clean-ups and watching documentaries. I was so driven towards environmental action and animal protection as a kid and I lost that part of myself in my 20s. It feels really, really good to get it back. This year, I want to focus even more on reducing waste, being more mindful about how my lifestyle choices impact the environment, educating myself more on my purchases, and choosing the planet over convenience. 

• Don't Be Sorry, Be Better: I've written my fair share of apology texts and spent days of my life feeling bad for things I've said or done. I need to focus on ways that I can be better instead of sorry. 

• "Remember When You Wanted What You Currently Have": This is a quote that I see pop up from time to time and it has never been more relevant than this year. There are years where we have everything we could ever want. Those times are fleeting and I think this year is going to be one of them. And since it won't be that way forever, I want to make sure I am savoring every bit of it. 

• Stay the Course: I want to continue studying A Course in Miracles and growing from what I learn in my studies. I notice that when I distance myself from studying the Course, it's because I want to do something that doesn't really align with its teachings. Which should be the first sign that something is awry and there is a lesson to be learned. (And if I want to sound like a real crazy hippie, I'd share that I am becoming of the belief that the Course is the true path to ending emotional legacies, which means that I have be intentional about creating time for it.)

• Let Go without Letting Yourself Go: Somewhere along the line I confused letting go with letting myself go. I let go of fears about my health and Lynch Syndrome by just letting go of taking care of my health at all. I let go of people's opinions about me and somehow this manifested in letting go of the way I showed up. I don't want to do this anymore. It's time to put some effort into my appearance all the while making sure that I'm doing it for me and not someone else's opinion of me or what I should look like. 

• W.A.I.T.: The most important acronym for me these days: Why Am I Talking? I really need to work on this one this year. Work on listening more, interrupting less, being mindful of why I'm saying whatever I'm saying. Is is because I want to control something? So someone will like me or think I'm smart? Paying more attention to why I'm saying whatever I'm saying feels key.

Let's do this 2018.

Thank You, 2017

There's been a meme going around the interwebs that goes something like this: "2016: Caterpillar; 2017: Cocoon; 2018: Butterfly." Cheesy? Yes. But also, accurate. At least for me.

2017 absolutely felt like a cocoon year. It started off with me still reeling from a rough 2016. I spent a lot of this year feeling vulnerable and apathetic, aimless and lost. I cried a lot on my way to work, I spent more time journaling than I have in years, I did a lot of going to bed right after I got home from work and I hunkered down for most of the year, not really having the energy or the desire to give much to others. I was just depleted... I couldn't "give" anything because I sort of felt like I had nothing left to give.

And for much of the year, what little I had left seemed to get exhausted by the news. Natural disasters, mass shootings, Trump's latest atrocity... there was never a time where it felt safe and so the cycle of vulnerability followed by my defense strategy of retreat and apathy continued.

But as I sat down yesterday reflecting, prepping this annual recap and looking at pictures from the year I realized that despite months of working through that depression, a lot of good stuff did happen in 2017. For instance, instead of deaths, there were births: 7 of our friends and 6 of my co-workers welcomed new babies into the world. Instead of poor health, there was self-care: unlike 2016 where I was constantly sick and stressed out and googling WebMD about my newly uncovered Lynch Syndrome, I don't think I visited WebMD once this year or had one health-related anxiety attack.

This was the year that Ryan and I began apart and ended engaged; the year that I recommitted to taking care of myself spiritually and healed so much through A Course in Miracles, surfing and solo travel; the year that I got involved by marching in protest, joining ACLU, making frequent calls to my representatives in Congress, donating when I could, making lifestyle changes and learning about important issues; and the year that I really learned how to let go of what wasn't serving me.

Ultimately, I'm thankful for 2017. It may have often been a dark one internally, but I see now how those dark spots were so necessary for what's coming up ahead. Here's a look back at everything that went into it...

Clean, Green Bathroom Routine

30 days ago, I joined Groundswell Community Project in a #NoPlasticNovember live-a-thon. The goal of the challenge was to get rid of one type of single-use plastic (or all plastic!) for the month of November and I decided to eliminate plastic-packaged bathroom toiletries.

It was a good place to start too, because I happened to have 80 of them lying around. 

The thing is, single-use plastics are killing our oceans. And the $432 billion dollar beauty and personal care products industry could really care less. Probably because every product we buy that's packaged in a single-use plastic is us voting for them to make more!

I used to not think that way. I used to pick up a plastic-packaged product and think, "Well. It's already made, so I might as well buy it, right? Also, what difference is one purchase by one person going to make?"

In fact, honestly? At one point, I used to not care at all. But now, after doing more research and watching documentaries like "A Plastic Ocean"on Netflix, I am heartbroken and ashamed. 

So I have officially started my plastic-free journey with a strong disclaimer: I don't claim to have the whole plastic-free thing totally figured out yet. I am simply committed to figuring out my personal approach and sharing that here in a way that's as personal and educational as possible. The last thing I want to do is come off as self-righteous or preachy... I have no right to be. And I'll share this all with the sincere hope that others will share their journeys with me in return or be inspired to try to reduce their own use of plastic. 

But, back to my bathroom. 

Giving up single-use plastic toiletries was a start, but it was only one step I took over the past month to make my bathroom a little more green and a little more zen in the process. And I did it all in four easy steps.